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You Don't Know Sh*t About Cigars

The perfect face and hand movement of an asshole smoking a cigar
Imagine George informing a fellow smoker on why Cubans are better than non-Cubans

By BillieBLVD


I could hear him outside of the walk-in humidor lecturing a patron on what a wrapper, binder, and filler is but he did it in a condescending manner.  He was a 30 something working the register of the cigar lounge so one can guess that these types of conversations are par for the course but something did not sound right. He was too eager.  His delivery was too smug. The customer responded saying that he already knew what a filler, binder, and wrapper is; however, he was trying to ascertain the specific origins of the cigar’s components.  "Oh, I see" our would-be expert replied in a dumbfounded fashion.  Just when thought he saw a void he could fill his wings were clipped.  Old folks always said that a little knowledge was dangerous and I could tell that he had shot his load.  I could hear me inner voice whispering “you don’t know shit about cigars”.  


I could care less if your Cuban cigar is fake, if you cut off too much when cutting your cigar, or if you burned the foot while lighting it. I could care less how you pronounce Ligero or if you know what first priming is. I do care if you smoke a flavored cigar  (just a little cringe) but not enough to say anything about it or treat you differently.  I don’t care because in the grand scheme of things it's meaningless.  Furthermore, I would rather use matches or a cedar spill to light a cigar instead of an expensive lighter (all of which happen to be shitty after they have been dropped a few times).  The only thing that matters is that you enjoy whatever you are smoking because life is finite but if you are caught up in such things I can conclude that you don’t know shit about cigars.  


There is a big difference between being knowledgeable and being a know-it-ll.  Firstly, a know-it-all is usually an asshole that unjustifiably speaks out against or for something and hurls opinions at people that don’t give a shit.  Secondly, know-it-alls rarely know much. Know-it-alls tend to have a surface level of knowledge but are way too invested in expressing themselves as if the little they have learned has earned them the duty of teaching us lowly peasants.  Lastly, some know-it-alls actually do have a wealth of information and experience but are closed to new ideas and are easily aggravated when others disagree.  


Just enjoy your cigar and remember that I know you don’t know shit about cigars and neither do I.

Write a comment

Comments: 2
  • #1

    Jared (Wednesday, 19 April 2017 10:15)

    Loved the article. I can't stand the condescending, pretentious asshole types in the cigar community, or ANY community for that matter. If you're intent is to create a dialogue that talks down to us plebs, then shut the hole under your nose or see your way to the door.

  • #2

    Elvis (Tuesday, 16 May 2017 15:00)

    I was hesitant read, but its the opposite of what i thought it was about, i totally agree