As I purchased a my favorite bourbon I noticed a bottle of Peanut Butter flavored whiskey mocking me.......ugggg. A chilling cringe took over my entire being. What the hell would someone do with this bottle of shit? Who would drink it? I was forced to voice my opinion out loud to the people in line. "Peanut Butter flavored whiskey" I yelled with a frown on my face and a tone of arrogance! The cashier immediately chimed in, "people love it, we all like it here at the store". Suit yourself I murmured. I like bourbon, Blantons is my favorite. I can talk about the balance of grain, the time honored manufacturing process, why the wood used for the barrel is so important, how the barrels are moved around the different floors of the distillery to balance exposure to humidity and temperature. My bourbon comes from a real place, made by real people, with a real history that defines it's realness. Inside baseball right--NO. Its called giving a shit and recognizing fuckery.
I was fresh off of leaving my favorite tobacconist before I hit the liquor store and there was a guy there smoking an Acid cigar (flavored bullshit). Now I know what you'll say next, "but Billie some people are just starting their journey and its up to us to nurture them as they mature". That's where we agree and disagree at the same time! I am a child of the 70s and 80s. We did not grow up with the velvet glove treatment, and while some of that resulted in what we now call "toxic-masculinity" it also produced some fucking grit. Grit has some value in this world but too much of anything is too much. I agree that we should welcome people into the brotherhood of cigars and spirits with smiles and open arms but dammit what ever happened to an occasional hazing to instill some authentic values. Peanut flavored whiskey is a god dam abomination only 2 standard deviations from a flavored cigar.
Stop this treachery before the gods descend upon us with vengeful wrath. Ok, I shot my load.